Being Ordinary

This post is what popped in my head tonight when I was trying to sleep.  So I decided to work my way blindly down the stairs to the computer.  Then my stomach reminded me that I was really really hungry, so I made some toast.  And grabbed a Coke.  At O-Dark-Thirty, does it really matter?  Not to me. 

This post is more on the personal side than usual, but it actually is relevant to the jewelry-making topics I usually discuss.  Sort of. 

I am a very ordinary person.  Very average.  I’m of average height and weight.  I have brown hair.  And these days blue eyes aren’t exactly rare.  And my eyes aren’t light blue, dark blue, bright blue, or any-other-adjective blue.  They are just blue.  I’m pale-skinned, but not of the transparent sort. But beyond the whole visual side of things, and more importantly really, I am very average as far as pretty much everything else goes, too. I’m somewhere in between shy and outgoing.  I have always been pretty good at most things.  But I have never been great at anything.  I’ve never even been REALLY good at something.  There are, of course, a few things that I really stink at (singing being one.  Don’t every ask me to sing.  Really.) but I can manage at least adequate with most things.  

And for the most part, being average is just fine and dandy.  I’m cool with being a decent cook, semi-athletic, and an okay person to chill with. 

The problem that sneaks up on me sometimes is feeling that there must be SOMETHING that I can be great at.  It first started really getting to me in college.  I really had no idea what I wanted to do or be.  There are just too many things to choose from that would be interesting.  So I have never found anything that I’m willing to really go for and devote time and effort to without it seeming like I was devoting time and effort.  And now that my kids will soon all be in school full-time, I’m feeling more pulled to do something.  People keep asking me what I’ll do when the last one goes to school.  I have no idea where I would work if I decide to get a job.  I really have no clue.  But I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.

I have a lot of things that I want to learn and try.  I think because I’m constantly searching for that ONE thing that’s mine.  

Jewelry is appealing because there are so many mediums within the heading of “jewelry making.”  And I want to try them all.  Of course, that’s the main reason I have never found much success with it.  I’m too scattered.  That has been improving lately as I seem to have fallen into a bit of a style focus with most pieces.  But there is still so much I want to learn.  And if I’m being honest with myself, I really just don’t have the vision that real jewelry artists have.

Yup.  That’s right.  I don’t consider myself a jewelry artist.  I am a maker of jewelry, but I am no artist.  If you know me, you probably know that I rarely bring up my jewelry.  Many of my friends and acquaintances don’t know what I do.  I have probably offended some of you by not bringing it up, but it has never been because I don’t think you are important enough to know.  It’s because I’m embarrassed that I am a jewelry maker.  We all know people that make jewelry and I am well aware that a lot of those people do it much better than I do.  (I’m not pulling a “poor me” deal here… just being honest.  I have no delusions about my skills)  

I really do enjoy making jewelry.  It’s a lot of fun, and does appeal to my short attention span.  I can try new techniques then come back to the old ones and maybe mix them together.  

I just hope that eventually I will find something that I can call mine.  I kind of figure I wouldn’t feel this strongly if God wasn’t trying to tell me something.  Whether it’s with jewelry and finding a method or style or whatever that distinguishes me from the millions of other jewelry makers out there, or if it’s with something completely different, I have to keep searching and trying and exploring.  Probably with some naps mixed in. 

Maybe by the time I’m 90… 

Cheers.

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