This post is what popped in my head tonight when I was trying to sleep. So I decided to work my way blindly down the stairs to the computer. Then my stomach reminded me that I was really really hungry, so I made some toast. And grabbed a Coke. At O-Dark-Thirty, does it really matter? Not to me.
This post is more on the personal side than usual, but it actually is relevant to the jewelry-making topics I usually discuss. Sort of.
I am a very ordinary person. Very average. I’m of average height and weight. I have brown hair. And these days blue eyes aren’t exactly rare. And my eyes aren’t light blue, dark blue, bright blue, or any-other-adjective blue. They are just blue. I’m pale-skinned, but not of the transparent sort. But beyond the whole visual side of things, and more importantly really, I am very average as far as pretty much everything else goes, too. I’m somewhere in between shy and outgoing. I have always been pretty good at most things. But I have never been great at anything. I’ve never even been REALLY good at something. There are, of course, a few things that I really stink at (singing being one. Don’t every ask me to sing. Really.) but I can manage at least adequate with most things.
And for the most part, being average is just fine and dandy. I’m cool with being a decent cook, semi-athletic, and an okay person to chill with.
The problem that sneaks up on me sometimes is feeling that there must be SOMETHING that I can be great at. It first started really getting to me in college. I really had no idea what I wanted to do or be. There are just too many things to choose from that would be interesting. So I have never found anything that I’m willing to really go for and devote time and effort to without it seeming like I was devoting time and effort. And now that my kids will soon all be in school full-time, I’m feeling more pulled to do something. People keep asking me what I’ll do when the last one goes to school. I have no idea where I would work if I decide to get a job. I really have no clue. But I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.
I have a lot of things that I want to learn and try. I think because I’m constantly searching for that ONE thing that’s mine.
Jewelry is appealing because there are so many mediums within the heading of “jewelry making.” And I want to try them all. Of course, that’s the main reason I have never found much success with it. I’m too scattered. That has been improving lately as I seem to have fallen into a bit of a style focus with most pieces. But there is still so much I want to learn. And if I’m being honest with myself, I really just don’t have the vision that real jewelry artists have.
Yup. That’s right. I don’t consider myself a jewelry artist. I am a maker of jewelry, but I am no artist. If you know me, you probably know that I rarely bring up my jewelry. Many of my friends and acquaintances don’t know what I do. I have probably offended some of you by not bringing it up, but it has never been because I don’t think you are important enough to know. It’s because I’m embarrassed that I am a jewelry maker. We all know people that make jewelry and I am well aware that a lot of those people do it much better than I do. (I’m not pulling a “poor me” deal here… just being honest. I have no delusions about my skills)
I really do enjoy making jewelry. It’s a lot of fun, and does appeal to my short attention span. I can try new techniques then come back to the old ones and maybe mix them together.
I just hope that eventually I will find something that I can call mine. I kind of figure I wouldn’t feel this strongly if God wasn’t trying to tell me something. Whether it’s with jewelry and finding a method or style or whatever that distinguishes me from the millions of other jewelry makers out there, or if it’s with something completely different, I have to keep searching and trying and exploring. Probably with some naps mixed in.
Maybe by the time I’m 90…